Pregnancy After Miscarriage

We waited a little bit till we were ready to try again..everything takes a little bit of time but we also didn’t want to wait too long.

When we got pregnant again we were so excited but I have to say it was masked a little bit with uncertainty.  You never know if it’s going to happen again, you don’t want to get attached to that little bean because part of you is so scared that it will happen again.  You don’t share it with everyone in an exciting way in fact you barely speak about it at all.

When we told people we dd it in a nonchalant kind of way tried not to make it a big deal.  With our daughter we had a huge gender reveal with a box and balloons came out of the box and that is how we knew we were having a girl!  With this pregnancy we opened an envelope just the 3 of us and had our daughter hold a blue balloon with the ultra sound photo and posted that on social media.

I tried to be excited the whole time but part of me was just so scared.  Needless to say I didn’t enjoy the pregnancy and it wasn’t because of the throwing up everyday it was because my mind was just telling me not to get too invested; be positive but not too positive.  I wish I could go back in time and completely redo the pregnancy but the further along I got the more positive I got.  I couldn’t wait to meet this baby boy!!

When it came to the anxiety of this pregnancy it wasn’t just me waiting for something bad to happen; it was also an omg we’re going to have two kids.

All the questions flooded me; how are we going to do this? what is it going to be like? will our daughter get jealous? Are we ready for this?

I would like to say the anxiety during the pregnancy went away but it wouldn’t until that little baby boy was born and healthy!  The only person I shared my thoughts with were my amazing partner.  I must say he was unreal as I was a royal Bitch for the full pregnancy and we are still together!  He really helped me through all of it!

I went to my OB on a Tuesday and my little man was due that Friday, she told me sorry it’s not going to happen I’ll see you next week.  I’m not gonna lie I was pissed because I was over the barfing, I was over the feeling like my insides were going to fall out when I walk.  But I booked my appointment and went on my way.
I straight home right after because I wasn’t feeling very well had bad cramps so while my daughter was at daycare I decided to just lay on my couch and rest the day away.

At night after our daughter was in bed we decided to watch an episode of westworld in bed (if you haven’t watched this it’s a must) I started to be in too much pain and I just rolled over to try and sleep but the pain kept coming then I realized maybe its contractions but how could it be my OB said it’s not happening this week so I got the app on my phone and started timing the contractions after the 3rd time of it telling me to go to the hospital I told him we have to go and I got “she said not until next week” .  I said either I’m having this baby or something is seriously wrong.  So we called my mom and she drove at 1am to stay with our daughter and off we went to the hospital…it was time to meet our little boy and I can’t wait!! We made it and I am still nervous about something going wrong but I am so excited at the same time!



Photo credit:  by my amazingly talented girlfriend Lesley Cowan Photography

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